6 ways to deal with negative people (aka energy vampires)
The security machine beeps as the person walks through it. 'Excuse me, can you step over here please' comes a voice. The person steps to one side. 'Please empty your pockets.' The person does as they're told. They're then frisked with a handheld device.
Have you ever thought how great it would be if you could do the same with negative people, aka energy vampires? Have your own frisking device which picks up if someone is about to walk off with all your energy. The machine beeps, and you ask them to empty their pockets. 'What have you got here? Is that my energy and life force you've got there? I'll have that back, thank you very much'. I know, one doesn't exist, but wouldn't it be marvelous if such a thing did?
Energy vampires are folk who go about their day moaning about everything. They never have a good word to say — no matter what good they have in their life. There's always a problem. They'll focus their attention on the one thing they believe isn't right. When you come into contact with them, you'll know about it. They latch onto your energy and drain you dry. They then go off about their day, and you're left depleted. You wonder what just happened. An hour ago, you were okay, all pumped up. Then an energy vampire came along, and your life force got up and left. Kind of like an inflatable lilo in a swimming pool, that's gone from being full of air to shrivelled up and unrecognisable. The same happens with energy vampires, your smile fades, your shoulders hunch forward, and tiredness comes over you.
Energy vampires are often joked about. You're with friends, see one coming and, and laugh about trying to hide. What's not spoken about is the effect it can have on you when you spend a considerable amount of your time with one. It can be incredibly detrimental to your wellbeing. Experiencing this day in day out can be bring you to your knees if you allow it. How you handle them is key to how you'll feel and how much energy you retain.
You can not change negative folk. You can't change anyone. The only person you can change is you. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness but your own. It took me years to get that. Because of something that happened in my childhood, I felt I was responsible for the joy of others. I would deplete myself, trying to lift others, to shift their perspective on life. It was only when I did the work to heal, and release this did I truly see the effect it had been having on me. It was a huge revelation and incredibly freeing. To be able to go about my day, not feeling the need to save someone from their negativity.
If you feel the need to try and lift the spirit of others, ask yourself why? Where does this come from? What belief do you have about yourself and the world, which means you keep doing this?
If someone has become an energy vampire, the only person who can change them is them. They have to decide they don't want to live that way anymore and commit to doing something about it. Until that stage, all your efforts to lift their spirits will be like continually trying to lift a huge boulder that doesn't budge. You'll exhaust yourself, and the stone hasn't moved an inch.
What's more, when you decide to try and save someone, it isn't empowering for the other person. When they decide they want to be saved from the sea of lack and negativity, that's when the magic happens, and things can transform quickly for them. When they seek help and support, that's when your efforts won't be in vain.
Here are five ways you can deal with negative folk
(aka energy vampires)
Know who they are, don your running shoes and leg it in the opposite direction.
2) Heal your need to save others.
Do the inner work to let go of the need to lift up others while depleting your own reserves. This is the work I do with my one to one clients using Rapid Transformational Therapy.
When you deplete your own energy, you suffer, but so do those around you. Your friends, family, colleagues, clients don't get to see the best version of you because you've spent your energy trying to lift others.
What are the negative consequences of allowing others to take your energy? What don't you get to do because you're exhausted? How does this impact your loved ones? What happens as a result of giving away your energy? How does it affect your relationships, career, business? If you go home at the end of the day feeling only half full, how does that impact your home life? Or are you living with an energy vampire?
Often it's when you sit in stillness and reflect do you see the actual impact it's having on your life.
3) Don't engage
Let them moan. Don't try and shift their perspective. They probably don't want a solution.
4) Visualise an invisible shield
Imagine a clear screen between you and the other person. Whatever they say hits the screen and doesn't touch you. The more often you do this, the easier it is to visualise. I used to do this with a work colleague a few years ago. Whenever they walked towards me, I'd picture a screen go up between us. Imagine you’re sitting in your car and quickly put the window up as someone comes towards you. You can see them talking but you can’t hear them through the glass. It's like that. Any negativity hits the screen and doesn't reach you. It takes practice but it works.
5) Use essential oils
Diffuse essential oils to clear negativity in the room. Lemongrass is the Oil of Cleansing and will remove stagnant negativity left behind. To replenish your energy, Wild Orange and Peppermint.
6) Honest Conversations
If you feel you can have an honest conversation with the person who is putting out negativity, and share with them the impact it has and how they come across, then that's an option. How they respond is dependent on how open they are to receive. It's incredibly sad when someone has become an energy vampire because they are truly missing out on life and may not even realise what they've become.
But you have to look after yourself, letting others bring you down doesn't serve anyone, least of all you.